♠︎✝✦ ROYALS XXIII: The Strange Death of The Royals ✦✝♠︎

Fine, fresh, feminine, style to eleven...
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p.Lo
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October 15th, 2017, 4:21 pm

(OK, so pretend this thread happened post-slump and pre-Mal's drunken messing.)


It is a dark day at X.Red.

The Royals have died – ridiculously, ingeniously, but beautifully...





RIP
[mention]Mal[/mention], a.k.a. Li Bai, a poet who liked his booze. Having already completed his masterpiece, 'Alone and Drinking Under the Moon', he drunkenly went boating. Horny, he tried to make out with the reflection of the moon, but fell overboard and drowned. His arse, however, was shapely.
Image



RIP
[mention]Raven[/mention], a.k.a. Sam Wardell, full-time lamplighter in 1880s New York and part-time genius. Annoyed that alarm clocks weren't more extravagant, she connected her regular one to a wire attached to a shelf bearing a 10-pound stone, which would fall to the floor with a loud, rousing bang. Unfortunately, a night of drunken revelry resulted in the alarm clock being adjusted wrongly, and somebody's lights went out for good.
Image



RIP
[mention]Cashmere[/mention], a.k.a. Hans Steininger, an Austrian bergher with a massive appendage: a 4.5-foot beard, which he usually tucked into a leather pouch, along with a pack of condoms and the numbers of several local twinks. When there was a fire in his village sometime in the 16th century, he forgot to roll up his beard and burned to death when it caught fire.
Image[/centre]



RIP
[mention]Angela Merkel[/mention], a.k.a. Clement Vallandigham, hot-shot lawyer and suave bae, attempted to prove in court that a supposed murder victim had actually shot himself with his own gun. During the reenactment, he accidentally shot himself with the loaded gun and died from the injuries. No further questions, Your Honour!
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RIP
[mention]Dani[/mention], a.k.a. Uroko Onoja, Nigerian polygamist, was forced at knifepoint by 5 of his 6 wives to have a marathon sex session with all of them, as they were jealous that he gave so much attention to the sixth. The man who had 'contributed positively' to the growth of his local community ran out of both sperm and breath.
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RIP
[mention]p.Lo[/mention], a.k.a. Tycho Brahe, was a genius Danish astronomer with a tame elk and a fake nose (the old one was lost in a duel). After refusing to leave a table at a dinner party out of politeness and possibly shame, he suffered from a burst bladder and died 11 days later. He wanted it known that he'd been poisoned by people who were probably poor as well as ugly.
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RIP
[mention]TOP SHELF LIQUOR[/mention], a.k.a. Adolf Frederick, gluttonous 18th-century King of Sweden, loved food. He loved it so much that he unwittingly died for it, having sat down to the most lavish meal anyone had ever known. Was it the tons of caviar that killed him, or the sauerkraut? Perhaps the 14 warm milk puddings he ingested? The pig!
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RIP
[mention]Tina[/mention], a.k.a. Iranian Cat Lady, was a wealthy 19th-century eccentric who loved a nice pussy. She cheerfully bought one kitten after another, until her house was one enormous hairball. During a terrible fire, the cats were released from a room they'd been closed up in, and were so wild with terror that they tore apart their loving (albeit unhinged) mistress.
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RIP
[mention]Prince Oberyn[/mention], a.k.a. Jean-Baptiste Lully, French conductor. In a time when conducting an orchestra involved the vigorous stamping of a staff on the floor, Lully went a little overboard and vigorously stamped his own foot. This led to a gangrenous abscess, killing him. Te Deum, have mercy.
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Special mention:

RIP
[mention]Dirrty[/mention], a.k.a. the unknown person accidentally beaten to death by a Bible during a healing ceremony in Honolulu, 1903.
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RIP
Posters Who Have Returned, Or Post Rarely, a.k.a. The Zombie Who Died. The funeral already well underway in the village, the deceased began to lift the lid off his coffin and clamber out. Everyone went nuts, running and screaming as Zombie Man made his way into a slow-moving old lady's house. Though the priest eventually realised the corpse may not have been quite dead when he was buried, the other villagers had already sent him back to the other side, via some guns, stakes and a marsh.
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GODTINA, SAVE OUR SOULS
Last edited by p.Lo on October 16th, 2017, 8:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 4:23 pm

MESS :FUNNY: love it
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:24 pm

Hhhhhhhhhhhhh omfg :funny:

I love this wtfffff
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:25 pm

Personally always loved decadence and death
Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 4:25 pm

Death is freedom, I long for the day!
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Cashmere
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October 15th, 2017, 4:29 pm

Brilliant OP.

The royals have irl lives. That why we died. Poor Demons.
this ain't for the best, my reputation has never been worse / so he must like me for me / we can't make any promises, now can we babe / but you can make me a drink
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Raven \V/
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October 15th, 2017, 4:35 pm

Image

:rip:

I was truly handsome!

Marvelous, sis [mention]p.Lo[/mention]! So these are all actual historical figures? :tellmemore:
Last edited by Raven \V/ on October 19th, 2017, 5:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Dirrty
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October 15th, 2017, 4:36 pm

When is my debut edition? I'm tired of being an uncredited feat.
our song is a slamming screen door
sneaking out late tapping on your window


REPUTATION | 11/10
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:37 pm

Dirrty wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:36 pm
When is my debut edition? I'm tired of being an uncredited feat.

Next edition!!
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Raven \V/
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October 15th, 2017, 4:40 pm

Mal wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:37 pm
Dirrty wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:36 pm
When is my debut edition? I'm tired of being an uncredited feat.

Next edition!!

Was not aware sis Dirrty is one of us!
I'm not anti-social, I'm anti-bullshit — Christina Aguilera :suckmydick:
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:41 pm

Raven wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:40 pm
Mal wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:37 pm

Next edition!!

Was not aware sis Dirrty is one of us!

What other choice do we have
Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 4:42 pm

Mal wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:41 pm
Raven wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:40 pm

Was not aware sis Dirrty is one of us!

What other choice do we havs

:rip:

we need a jester
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SanelyInsane
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October 15th, 2017, 4:42 pm

Dirrty wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:36 pm
When is my debut edition? I'm tired of being an uncredited feat.

Where's my invitation? I contribute more to these sluts outside of this thread than the Royals themselves.
Last edited by SanelyInsane on October 15th, 2017, 4:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:43 pm

Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:42 pm
Mal wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:41 pm

What other choice do we havs

:rip:

we need a jester

:funny: !!!!!
Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
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Mal
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October 15th, 2017, 4:43 pm

SanelyInsane wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:42 pm
Dirrty wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:36 pm
When is my debut edition? I'm tired of being an uncredited feat.

Me too. I contribute more to these sluts outside of this thread than the Royals themselves.

Ill glady take any of your contribution
Know first who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
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Raven \V/
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October 15th, 2017, 4:51 pm

Mal wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:41 pm

What other choice do we have


Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:42 pm

:rip:

we need a jester

:rip: :funny:
I'm not anti-social, I'm anti-bullshit — Christina Aguilera :suckmydick:
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p.Lo
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October 15th, 2017, 4:51 pm

Raven wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:35 pm
Image

:rip:

Was truly handsome!

Marvelous, sis [mention]p.Lo[/mention]! So these are all actual historical figures? :tellmemore:
YES. We are educational here.
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p.Lo
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October 15th, 2017, 4:52 pm

I feel bad for excluding people. :(

Should have a cup of tea and indulgent cake to get over it.
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Kitana ROSALÍA
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October 15th, 2017, 4:56 pm

I fucking love it :funny: mine especially!
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Raven \V/
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October 15th, 2017, 5:01 pm

p.Lo wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:51 pm
YES. We are educational here.

:tellmemore:
I'm not anti-social, I'm anti-bullshit — Christina Aguilera :suckmydick:
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Dirrty
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October 15th, 2017, 5:20 pm

I refuse to be part of it with Tina, she's a traitor and stans O!nk
our song is a slamming screen door
sneaking out late tapping on your window


REPUTATION | 11/10
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 5:23 pm

how was yalls weekend??
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 5:31 pm

never seen a pic more than disgusting than this one

Image
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p.Lo
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October 15th, 2017, 5:34 pm

Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:23 pm
how was yalls weekend??
Got back from my "holiday" to work. :cry:

But I also just jeep eating and blaming the weather, so it's all good.
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Crystal
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October 15th, 2017, 5:34 pm

PLO you're so imaginative!
avatar by dinvy!
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Cashmere
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October 15th, 2017, 5:49 pm

Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:25 pm
Death is freedom, I long for the day!
Actually hope I live to experience the end of the world. Would be so epic and glactic.
this ain't for the best, my reputation has never been worse / so he must like me for me / we can't make any promises, now can we babe / but you can make me a drink
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Dani
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October 15th, 2017, 5:51 pm

Cashmere wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:49 pm
Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 4:25 pm
Death is freedom, I long for the day!
Actually hope I live to experience the end of the world. Would be so epic and glactic.

omg, my post apocalyptic LOOKS

I'd side with the Whore of Babylon obv
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Cashmere
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October 15th, 2017, 5:54 pm

Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:51 pm
Cashmere wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:49 pm
Actually hope I live to experience the end of the world. Would be so epic and glactic.

omg, my post apocalyptic LOOKS

I want to stand naked by the ocean facing the shockwave dick first, with whales singing a perish song in the background as the rupture takes them and pulls them out of the sea. :nc:

I'd side with the Whore of Babylon obv
this ain't for the best, my reputation has never been worse / so he must like me for me / we can't make any promises, now can we babe / but you can make me a drink
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p.Lo
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October 15th, 2017, 6:02 pm

Crystal Whore wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:34 pm
PLO you're so imaginative!
Thanks, but the credit goes to history.
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Cashmere
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October 15th, 2017, 6:07 pm

Cashmere wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:54 pm
Dani wrote:
October 15th, 2017, 5:51 pm

omg, my post apocalyptic LOOKS

I'd side with the Whore of Babylon obv
I want to stand naked by the ocean facing the shockwave dick first, with whales singing a perish song in the background as the rapture takes them and pulls them out of the sea. :nc:
this ain't for the best, my reputation has never been worse / so he must like me for me / we can't make any promises, now can we babe / but you can make me a drink
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